Women Gamers... as Pin Up Girls?

Kickstarter is an interesting site.  Lots of potential for good can happen there and we're able to support what we like and ignore what we don't.  But this is beyond demeaning.

Let's just set aside the fact that the entire premise of this project is completely untrue.  (Nearly Half of All Gamers are Women - CNN.com)  Let's forget that the sexualization of women and girls has proven negative effects.  (Sexualization of Girls - American Psychological Association).  And just for a second, let's even forget the mental health issues that crop up when girls are sexualized.  (Sexualization of Girls Linked to Common Mental Health Problems in Girls and Women)

Let's focus on the fact that these two young men think this is how we're going to "help" women gamers.  (Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, folks.  Whiskey Tango  Foxtrot!)  What are we teaching our sons?

With this in mind I talked to my almost-10 year old this morning.  I told him what they were doing.  "They want to help women gamers by make a calendar of them in their pajamas."  

He looked at me like I had eight heads.  "How does that help?"

"Exactly!  It's not helping!  And it's not okay that these men are treating these women they're only good gamers if they show off their bodies."

He busied himself in his backpack for a few minutes as I wiped down the counter.

"That's sad," he finally said.  "Nobody ever told them they're important enough to keep their clothes on."

And that was when I knew there was some hope left in this world.

So good luck with your "project", Jared and Erick-with-a-CK.  You won't be getting any support from us.  We respect people in this house - including women gamers.

*Please note, I spent many years as a woman gamer.  World of Warcraft was not only a fun game, but a great social outlet.  However, it's also a huge time sink and I gave it up because it was too much of a distraction.  

Math V. Zombies

I recently attended an outstanding conference sponsored by the Society of Women Engineers.  I left with many, many ideas about how to encourage my daughters to embrace math and science without fear.  The most important message came from Camsie McAdams of the US Department of Education.  She said we, as parents, have to stop telling our kids math is hard.  That statement was backed up by an article my husband shared with me yesterday addressing the differences between kids who excel at math and kids who don't.

When I started getting semi-frantic and very frustrated texts from my 16 year old today as she dealt with a difficult C++ class, I took Camsie's advice to heart and tried to be a math cheerleader.  Only, I don't think Ms. McAdams had zombies or bloody corpses in mind when she was giving her very inspirational talk. (And please note, this kid is in honors math and honors chem.  She rocks.  She's just temporarily stuck and that tells me she's tough enough to know when she has to work smarter.)

 jillian: Major headache because of C++ and I haven't been in here for 15 minutes. 

Me:  Noise?  Glare?  Sick?

jillian:  I don't understand the math and I've asked for help but it just makes everything worse.

Me:  Okay.  Take a deep breath.

You are absolutely capable of figuring out the math. It just takes a little time.  Can you send me a picture of the problem?  Scott, my cousin, majored in math in college.  He can probably give it a try.  And Dad can help, too.  And if they're not good enough, we'll find someone else who can make it make sense.  

You could ask your teacher if there are websites or other resources that might help you with this math... let him know you aren't giving up because "math is hard" (said in my best Barfie voice).

jillian:  I don't think he's aware that I'm not working...

Me:  Okay.  It's always good to check in when you have a problem though.  Be the kid who cares enough about his class to want to do well.  I'm sure he has his hands full.

jillian:  I tried. For the past three days I tried.

Me:  To talk to him or figure out the math?

jillian:  Yes

Me:  Okay.  We will work on it tonight.  This is kind of like... um... your brother is eating his socks.  Hang on.

Okay.  Sorry.  This is kind of like a test of fortitude.  Stare the stupid math in the eye, tell it you're going to smash it's brains in, and keep wailing on it until it's a bloody corpse on the ground.

Zombie ponies, Jill!  Zombie. Ponies!

Wow.  That was violent.

jillian:  *its a bloody corpse

.....Put away the Walking Dead, slowly. Just turn it off and walk away....

Me:  But Jiiiiillllllll.  There are new zombies now!  COOTIE ZOMBIES!  And they Bleed. Out. The. EYES!  

jillian:  Mom. Just put it away. Watch pretty ponies instead.



UPDATE:  

She and David figured it out.  Because math is only as hard as you make it and having an engineer for a father is pretty darn handy!  Sadly, there were no zombies present during the solving of these equations.  Sigh.

Five Minute Friday: Together

I'm going to attempt this Five Minute Friday.  No editing, no second guessing, just writing.  The theme is "together".  And go...

There are six of us here on earth.  One of us in heaven.  And the moments of being together seem few and far between.  When we are all together, I breathe a deep sigh of relief.  Even if the kids are fighting or I'm stressing over the chaos or David is hiding behind his computer screen, trying to eek out a few more minutes of work, I breathe a little easier.  I don't have to watch the clock as closely or worry about missing someone's pick up time from choir or Scout event.

I also think of myself as constantly struggling to remain put together.  I don't mean my hair or outfits, because that ship has sailed.  (I sport a great mom-bun and love me some long sleeve t-shirts and jeans.)  I mean emotionally.  It's been a struggle to regain any sense of normalcy since we lost the baby.  We no sooner lost him than found out we were expecting again.  I had to process all of that at the same time.  And then came the wave of chaos after Connell was born last year.  The kids changed schools.  Again.  We just resolved a major issue related to that yesterday.  So slowly, I'm reassembling myself and feeling like I can fully function.

Mostly, though, when I think of "together", I think of my marriage and how incredible it is to be married to someone I enjoy so much.  We're not perfect and we're never going to be Victor and Jenny or Desi and Lucy, but we make each other laugh.  And if that's not the best part of being together, I don't know what is.

What to Do with a Wonderful One Year Old (Halloween Books and "Craft" Edition)

Halloween is coming.  Balancing the teens interest in all things scary with my need to keep things innocent and fun for the little guy is one of the many challenges we face in our "wide age gap" family.  One of the ways we've encouraged the Bigs to connect with the Little is through books.  I try to get them to read to him as often as they're willing.  These are a few of our Halloween favorites:

Where is Baby's Pumpkin - We love Karen Katz books in general.  The life-the-flap pages keep Connell interested and excited.  The page with a double flapped closet hiding the bats is by far his favorite.  We have to read that page at least five times every time we read the book.

Max's Halloween - This is actually my favorite.  I'm a big fan of Max and Ruby, despite their missing parents and Ruby's Oldest Child Syndrome issues.  The candy names and Max's obvious dismissal of his older sister's megalomaniacal demeanor always makes me chuckle.  Connell tolerates the book, but I'm sure as he gets older he'll come to appreciate Max's struggles. 

Five Little Pumpkins - A holiday classic, this book has been set to several different tunes.  I prefer to recite it dramatically, giving each pumpkin its own distinct personality.  There are several different versions online.  The counting in this book inspired this morning's 2 minute craft.

While Connell was napping, I gathered up odds and ends from previous crafts.  Since he seems to really like counting (okay, he likes saying "Two two two!" and then jumping), I thought we'd work on some simple groups of five.  I found cats, bats, and ghosts left over from something the Bigs did last year.  Punches I've collected over the years worked well to add circle pumpkins and fall leaves to the mix.

We had a serious conversation about the importance of respecting glue, but I suspect he was more interested in the Thomas episode playing in the background.  He enjoyed sticking the self-adhesive foam shapes.  The paper shapes were a little more difficult, so I helped him with those.  

The finished product will look festive on the fridge!  I don't think he has a clue how any of this relates to the books we read today, but he didn't eat the paper... so we're making progress!

Looking Forward to...

I tend to forget to enjoy the season.  I'm hoping to slow down and enjoy each moment as it comes.  This project was a quick way to help me focus on these fleeting fall days.

Simple things

Sometimes the simple things are the greatest.

Bird Watching

Making up a "counting" game.

Pumpkin picking fun

Playing in the corn at a local farm.

A Little Vent

I went to the soccer game from hell before I wrote this.  I watched spoiled little princesses whine through their game and their mothers coddle them with promises of treats and prizes for playing "your very best".  I listened as moms compared their super-busy-extra-important-schedules in the endless "I'm better than you are" Mommy Wars.  I'm so over soccer and I'm so over the notion that our kids have to be happy-happy-happy all the time.

This popped up on Facebook yesterday and it's been bothering me ever since.  I think we put too much emphasis on making our children happy and not nearly enough on making them functional.  So forgive me, but I believe it's time for a rant...

Really?  Your only wish is for your child to be happy?  Because that's not mine.  My wish is for my children to be responsible, resectable, respectful, intelligent, capable, independent, healthy, reasonable, creative, and fulfilled.

And you know how to help your kids achieve those adjectives?  You parent them.  You keep them off of sites like Ask.fm.  You demand they follow rules - your rules, school rules, sport team rules, and the Golden Rule.  You set the bar high.  You give them opportunities to not be the best at everything.  Failure is growth and growth is vital.  You expect they respect their father and he expects they respect you.  Of course, you have to start by respecting each other.  You put your marriage first most of the time and present a united front.

You don't choose cigarettes over milk.  You don't let them talk back.  You don't let them interrupt adults.  You set limits and never make empty threats.  You treat them with kindness and compassion.   Acknowledge they may have naughty moments, but you do not label them as brats or evil.  You celebrate earned success and tell them to try harder next time when they don't get the prize.

So should you want your kids to be happy?  Sure.  Go for it.  But make sure you're doing with with your eyes wide open.  Kids aren't always going to be happy.  That's part of growing up.