Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Born in Silence

I sobbed as I listened to these parents.  And for three minutes, as I watched, I relived my own loss.  I'm so grateful to know it is being talked about - that it's not a banished conversation.  Andrew changed us. For nearly 20 weeks, we thought about him as a family.  We planned for him as a family.  We loved him as a family.  And as a family, we are stronger and better for having had that time.

I will always feel conflicted.  We found out we were expecting Connell within weeks of losing Andrew.  We know we're lucky.  Had Andrew lived, I wouldn't have my happy little shadow.  Andrew would be my happy little shadow, I suppose.

I know there's a plan.  I have faith there's some kind of logical reason for all of this.  (The sun came out for the first time in two days when I typed those words.... so yeah, there's a reason.)  I miss Andrew.  I'm grateful for him.  And I'm lucky to be his mother.

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