Sunday, April 22, 2012

It's a...!

David and I went to Maternal Fetal Medicine late last week.  It was definitely a mixed bag of emotions.  The last time I was there we were dealing with bleeding in the 11th week with Andrew.  At that point we left feeling much happier.  Little did we know what we'd be dealing with several weeks later.

I've spent this entire pregnancy telling myself we're having a girl.  I was afraid to wish for a boy.  I didn't want to replace Andrew or do anything to sully our brief memories of him.  I had convinced myself a third daughter would be wonderful - we'd go through the princess phase again, have tea parties, and learn about dinosaurs (because I am a feminist, after all!).  I imagined pink and tutus and the whole nine yards.  And I loved it.

But when I allowed myself to be honest, usually while lying in the dark and praying, I knew that my heart wanted to hold a baby boy.  I wanted to give G a brother and David another son.  I wanted trucks and dirt and chaos and soccer.

23 weeks.  A perfect smile.
I went into the appointment saying, "I know it's a girl.  I know I'm right".  The tech, in a rather stoic way, told me she'd do her best to tell us what she could see.  First, though, we had to measure everything.  Nearly two hours of measuring the heart and lungs and head of our baby.  When she got to the heart, I found myself in tears.  It was beating.  Strong.  Andrew's had stopped beating and the last time I saw it, it was still and quiet.  As this baby wiggled and rolled, squirmed and smiled, we got a glimpse into our future with this child.  A little mouth opened and closed, an arm raised a finger and pointed.

And at that moment, I didn't care if we were going to be team pink or team blue.  I was firmly and solidly in love with whatever God had given us.  And I was grateful.

I had almost forgotten our request to know what to expect when something flashed on the screen.  I thought I knew what it was.  David definitely knew.  The tech smiled and assured us there was no doubt about it.  This baby is a BOY.  A BOY.  There were tears... bittersweet, happy, grateful tears.

The next task was to tell the kids they were having a brother.  And I'm not one to do things without a little drama.  So I made them this:

Their reactions were priceless.  But more on that another day.

No comments:

Post a Comment